a night in the jungle

"Charlie-One calling Base, Charlie-One calling Base, come in, over."

Krrrkle... Kssshhh... "Base to Charlie-One, what's your status? over."

"We have an emergency, Base, over."

Krrrkle... Kssshhh...

"Oh, just give me the damned gun and let's get this over with!"

"No, we should wait."

"You really think they're going to send somebody out here in the wilderness in the middle of the night?"

"But..."

"Don't be such a pussy. C'mon, give me the gun. I'll do it myself if you can't."

"But..."

"Alright, let me have the machete, then."

Whack! Thud! KRAK!

"Okay, the lock's broken. Let's get in before we freeze our @$$#$ off."

"Damn, if I knew you were such an expert burglar, I would've thought twice before showing you my house."

"Oh!"

"What? What?"

"Looks like somebody beat us to it."

"What? Who?"

"See that hole in the ground? Seal it, quickly!"

"What the hell did that?"

"Wild bandicoot."

"Whoa! Are they around?"

"Nope. They dig in here to see if there's any food when there's nobody around."

"$#!%! That's why you don't have anything here?"

"Yup. Gotta carry everything with you. Can't leave anything here."

"What about those holes? Can snakes get in here?"

"They generally avoid us humans. But hey, what do you expect in the middle of the jungle?"

"A mat would be nice. We can't sleep on the bare floor!"

"...or at least some sacks. You got some sacks we could spread out to lie on?"

"Nope."

"Hmm... okay, tell you what, you give us this... mat thingie you have there. That should do."

"Jeez, it's fulla holes! We can't sleep on that!"

"It's either this, or frozen butts in the morning. You wanna sleep or not?"

"I guess we have no choice, huh?"

"Look, you wanted adventure, you got adventure!"

"Okay, let's have a fire going. That should help... and tea! God, I'd kill for some hot tea now!"

"Here, I found some dry twigs."

Two minutes later:

"$#!%! Hack! Cough! Getouttatheway! This is killing me!"

"Hey, watch it! You're gonna bump into something in all this smoke!"

"Holy *&#%! My eyes are burning! Move! I gotta get outside!"

"Be careful! It's a jungle out there! Literally!"

"I'd rather face a herd of wild elephants than be in here!"

Later, much later in the night:

"Hey! Wake up, man!"

"Wh--what's wrong?"

"Did you hear that?"

"What?"

"I heard someone... or someTHING."

"Oh, c'mon! It's just the wind."

"No, I swear, I heard something!"

"Oh, Jeez! Give it a break. I told you, there are no ghosts."

"It sounded like somebody clearing their throat."

"In the middle of the jungle? At this time of the night? Even a ghost would freeze to death! Oh wait, ghosts ARE supposed to be dead... Look, go back to sleep. It's nothing. Probably just the wind slamming against the door."

"I can't sleep. I'm freezing."

"Yeah, if I'd known, I would've brought my sleeping bag, too. Thank goodness I brought at least this blanket. C'mon, we'll share."

Half an hour later:

"You know what?"

"Hell, you STILL awake?"

"So are you."

"Okay, you got me. What?"

"We're lucky at least there are no mosquitoes!"

(based on a true incident that happened last week)