men are notorious for putting inappropriate objects into their mouths.
some examples:
red meat (heart attack-causing cholesterol agent)
cigarette (cancer-causing idiot stick)
toothpick (embarrassment-causing lady repulsor)
and MOST inappropriately:
their foot (disaster-causing body part)
(scientists agree that in this respect, men are akin to cattle, sharing as they do the dreaded foot-and-mouth disease with their horn-and-hoofed counterparts)
i'm pretty certain that it was a man who came up with the aphorism "Silence is golden" (most probably after an episode of 'open-mouth-insert-foot-embarrass-yourself').
another saying gives away the gender referred to quite explicitly: "Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools speak because they have to say something".
uh huh.
alright, and why not women, you might ask. two reasons:
1. it's their god-given birthright.
2. it's for the good of all MANkind (note the gender please).
explanation for the first:
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the ability to talk is perhaps the most distinguishing evolutionary feature that separates humans from all other creatures that inhabit our planet (i'm not taking into account mimicking macaques and howler monkeys even though they make better teatime companions than many people i know). there's nothing as powerful, as POTENT as speech. that's the reason men should not be allowed to use it (it's like allowing a child to play with a loaded gun with its safety off).
women use speech to gossip, chat, gripe and have the occasional argument (all harmless social activities).
in the hands (or mouths, rather) of men, it can cause anything from:
- mild embarrassment ("No darling, you don't look fat in that dress; it's just too tight to accommodate you...")
- to mighty battles ("We shall show the infidels who they're dealing with!")
- and even history-changing catastrophes ("Oy, Adolf! What happened to you? Shaving accident?")
a certain US president managed to bring disrepute to the seat of the most powerful man on earth by simply opening his mouth and inserting a certain object in it in the presence of an intern (thereby earning the distinction of being perhaps the only man in history to ruin himself without uttering a single word!)
explanation for the second:
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if you are a man, and are smirking at having won an argument because your female partner has fallen silent, you are sadly (and potentially dangerously) mistaken. for, while you are gloating over your presumed victory, she is continuing the argument in her head (with total control over what is being uttered by BOTH parties, since it is HER imagination, so you have absolutely no say in it).
so you see, men should speak only when spoken to (restricting themselves to basic sounds like "hmm", "uh huh" and "hmph")
and women should talk. always.
it's an absolute necessity, and a sign that all is well with the world.
